My Campus Crush

Maina Jinx

New Comrade
During our third week in campus, there was this semi nude lightskinned girl from the coast.Her costumes designs employed vivid colors, bold prints, and sexy cuts, which were a refreshing contrast to the prevailing taste for muted colors and simplicity. Her aesthetic "combined luxurious classicism with overt sexuality," attracted much criticism in addition to praise Everytime from the Biggie's in my commerce class. Her name was Nicole. She had a face that could make you double trip over something and thighs that could make you walk across a river full of man eating crocodiles just to have that moment with her.She had an almost dangerous quality of seduction that she made almost every man pursue her and she always seemed a bit out of reach.

During that very day however, I felt courageous enough to approach her and express my love for her because as they say, some chances come once in a lifetime. Procrastination is also a thief of time." courage involves deliberate choice in the face of painful or fearful circumstances for the sake of a worthy goal"and With this realization, I always conclude that "there is a close connection between fear and confidence".

"Bro huyu Dem hukutakanga pia ni vile hujai muapproach," Brian, a guy with a heavy kikuyu accent encouraged me on realizing how crazy I was about her. His statement was the biggest lie of the century however because I wasn't even sure if Nicole had even noticed my existence in the first place. He insisted that I should not waste time but execute my mission as Soon as the class was over and even reminded me of an old kikuyu saying, "mageria no mo mahota"

. "Yes I can" I mattered quietly to my self under my crenched fists feeling like one of those knights in the Game of thrones movie just before heading for war .Our business communication teacher was talking about the principles of communication while I was busy ogling the internet trying to locate a favourable pick up line to lure my queen to my thrones and all this time Brian was helping me."Pick-up lines range from straightforward conversation openers such as introducing oneself, providing information about oneself, or asking someone about their likes[and common interests, to more elaborate attempts including flattery or humour." The first line read.

I was so busy and fully occupied reading and analyzing the variety I got that I even got totally carried away forgetting that the lecturer was still in class. internet has everything though. I don't know why Both the pharmaceutical industry's and drug development pipelines, are not even asking Google of ways to cure covid 19 before it's too late, it might help. Before the madam in my class had left, I already found the perfect chat line. I was to fake a stumble or misstep that would eventually result in falling just infront of her and then apologize with the best pick up line I got from a blog owned by an asian girl who looked like a young Diego costa, former Chelsea hitman,"sorry about that, I think I have fallen for you" i was to say. I even rehearsed it in my day dreams a skill I had perfected during my highschool days and imagined how Nicole would give me a hug infront of everyone ,squeezing her boobs on my chest and all this time murmuring unto my ears softly, "tony you are the most romantic guy in the world!"
I even saw myself receiving a standing ovation from everyone in the campus student centre and even getting crowned as the new Mr gretsa without a contest.
"Long life the king," they would say... I was rudely interrupted by the madam, whose existence I had even forgetting calling for the end of the class and it was at around 4pm in the evening.
"Class dismissed!" The madam announced and left the class after everyone had signed the attendance sheets to prove their presence in class that day. Unlike highschool teachers, she never seemed to care about whether we were listening to her or not and While intelligent kids were busy rushing after the her to ask questions related to the days course work, I was busy taking a lecture from Brian, who has been single for our whole campus life bytheway, what a clown! I have never understood why single people are experts in this matters though. They always give the best advices.
"Fanya pressups kumi alafu twende bro," he insisted, " huwa zinasaidia kureduce tension na pia zinatrigger release ya adrenaline from adrenal grands which are also known as romance hormones." adrenaline as far as I am concerned plays an important role in the fight-or-flight response by increasing blood flow to muscles, output of the heart, pupil dilation response and blood sugar level but arguing with Brian was like watching a football match between gormahia and Barcelona, you know who will win.
Coming from the lecture hall which was on fifth floor inside the administration block, I had all it takes to be a main character in one of those Mexican soap operas. I trusted Brian very much and I knew that everything would go to plan.We got downstairs Brian still giving lectures and me taking notes keenly like I did while escorting my father to the gate during the Highschool academic clinics until we got to the ground floor. when we got out of the building through the ground floor main doors I heard Brian squezze my left hand and Pat my back like a proud father would do to his son during his graduation day from Punjab University. Just a short distance away, Nicole was chatting cheerfully with a guy whom Brian thought was not as charming as I was and even insisted on me slicing the guy. This is the act of honey dicking a girl and luring her away from another guy. I hate fights, I was not ready for one and this time I impolitely declined the idea.

"Bro hii jamaa ata haijaweza kukuliko," was the last line I heard from Brian before Nicole hugged the bustard good bye and started walking torwards our way. She was making her way towards the girls hostels swinging her hips ,scrolling through her phone all this time and smiling much like azziad, that tiktok girl who was trending the other day. She was dressed much like those American highschool hoes from the 90's movies and from the looks of things I would tell she was from a different class compared to me.

It was now my time to execute my Dr love do or die mission and being the man I thought I was, I was ready for rejection and dismissal. I wanted to live the moment as if all my life had been leading to this day. Brian was there with his infinix phone already taking the video and this time I was the predator waiting for a prey. Just a few metres away from me, I pulled my A game by tripping on a stone I had placed on that exact position for my own purposes and landed on the ground with a big thud. You should have seen the shock on her face when she saw me on the floor with blood on my hands and dirt on my outfits. My best outfits for that matter. The lines from the blogger never warned me of the concrete floor, my brains never warned me too and because they say love is blind, my eyes never saw the harm a concrete floor could cause to my body especially on such a moment..was this supposed to be done probably on grass or other places? Or those things were just for wazungus and not us? I vowed that my first task after this moment was to give the blogger of that line a negative review and scold her to bring that line down.
"Am sorry for that," I begun as I looked up to face her , "I think I have fallen for you babes." I continued with my best little,innocent but romantic guy voice. I had watched guys in these kinds of situation before and most won the heart of the girl like that scene in that movie, American pie. She looked at me with even more surprise showing on her face and her mouth produced something like,
"Muone mshamba, Hana haya jameni." and then clicked her tongue with her juicy typical African lips producing something like 'mscheeew" and walked away swinging her hips in a way like she was demanding an answer from me,
"nikikupea utawezana?" it was at this moment that I realized that I had messed up with my campus life and it would take alot of time to cope up again. Public rejection hurts more than anything else in this world and while as some of you may want to argue with me, it is the last thing I would like to experience ever again in my life.
All this time Brian was sitting alone in one of those seats close to the administration block laughing at the top of his voice alerting every one that a massacre had just happened and members of my class , of whom had not gone far away from the scene were gathering around me with chants of "who does he think he is, Romeo?" Filling the air..To make the story short, the next day I woke up from the hostels with a bandage on myleft hand and Brian again was there again singing that song."born to suffer" as he did during my birthday.
"If I were you, I would hide my face inside a paper bag with two eye holes. Ata madam wa business communication aliona ukilengwa." He narrated. "Unajua ata vida yako ukilengwa saai inatrend huku shule na kila mtu ako nayo"
It was a good idea to hide my face inside a bag but I chose to miss class for the next one week until everyone forgot about the romantic boy incidence.

The next class Nicole asked the class to remain behind after the accounting class was over and pointed out the issue which the class agreed was wrong. Luckily enough I Never attended class that day because I couldn't stand being demolished further and I only appeared in class when my self esteem returned to normal. I don't ever regret being embarrassed by Nicole though and I still believe she did me a favor anyway as I think She looks like a female version of Freddie Mercury this days.


New Comrade
Woah. Is this a true story? It's quite long winded.


Senior Comrade
Can't believe you actually used that corny A** pick up line! That is the funniest shit ever! lol.